Oh Hair!!

"Mommy I love you sooo much!"
"Why?" I teased just to see what the reply was going to be.
"Because you are so beautiful! I love your hair too!"
"Why?"
"Because its so shiny and glittery".
My heart breaks to hear this for two reasons: one - for my four year old daughter's naivete to love my dwindling hair and two - for my dwindling hair. Oh my little girl is so endearing. Her sweet innocence adores not only me but also my hair........or whatever is left of its paltry, sad self.
Women are extremely touchy about their crowning glory.
As a little girl, growing up in a family where women were endowed with generous amounts of hair, made me a teeniest bit insecure because mine was measly in comparison. Don't get me wrong I have ecstatically received a multitude of compliments for my hair from all quarters, but in the land of hair I am but a plebby. In Kerala, a girl's hair has to measure up to many a lofty standard. Mine fell short on all of them, or so I was caused to believe from time to time.
The Density or its more commonly known euphemism - thickness, is the primary and most significant criterion. Although there is no measuring scale to calibrate thickness, a trained eye needs but mere seconds to spot a head thick with mane.
Curls are a favorite parameter. Even when hair straightening is a multi-million dollar business all over the world, Keralites love curls to a fault. They love it so much so that if you don't have curly hair they feel genuinely sorry for you!! If only I had a dime for every time I heard some one compliment a straight-haired person  "You have thick hair". Immediately followed by a down-turned mouth comment "But its not curly!!!" I wonder if this unfair bias towards curls is what has some how manipulated us Kerlalites' DNAs to have more curly hair than any other race.
Length - the longer the better. Yes, We are conservative about hair lengths, keeping it long and trimming only an inch to keep splits at bay.
As for Shine, we needn't look elsewhere. Kerala, the word itself means land of coconuts. And there is no other oil to better preserve the smoothness and render a healthy shine to hair than coconut oil. We extol its many qualities and use it in a variety of ways - classic, refined, medicated & extra virgin.
These are the criteria for good hair as per social traditions. So you can imagine my distress when my hair is neither thick nor curly(thus forfeiting my chances to have even a pretense of thickness). As for length I can always grow it long but its ineffectual sans the thickness. And I have always applied only coconut oil to preserve its natural smoothness and shine.

As is the case with anyone, over time my hair has thinned in volume. Even though I am aware that this is an inevitable natural process of aging, its still painful. Hair is a sensitive topic and it never ceases to be so. Thick or thin I had fairly decent hair and I loved it and nurtured it well. All of us are born with what ever amount, type & DNA of hair that God has decided to bestow on us. There is nothing that we can do to about it except try to care for it the best we can. And I have. I am proud of how I have treated my hair all my life. Never straightened, curled, colored. My hair hasn't even been shampooed in excess. I have never abused it with chemicals - harsh or mild. My routine for daily hair and scalp care is straight-forward and natural - simple oil massage before shower and wash the hair with water or occasionally shampoo. Its been my routine for as long as I can remember. Whenever its available I replace the shampoo for hibiscus-leaves - its a natural and much better substitute.

Therefore obviously I was bewildered when I started shedding hair profusely for no apparent reason, medical or non-medical. It was scary not to mention frustrating, when I had to trash medium cotton-ball sized hair-balls every time I brushed my hair or took shower or after my routing oil massage. The volume that I shed caused alarm because it was much more than what I lost on a daily basis. It started 6 to 7 months after I had weaned my daughter off breast milk. I had been nursing her till she was two. "Was hair loss a reaction to the weaning?", I wondered. I had helplessly watched the extra hair that I had enjoyed during my pregnancy fall off 3 months after the delivery. I knew that it would occur and it did. Sad as I was to see that happen, its over now and I have made my peace with it. So I know its not that. Then is it some other hormonal problem like thyroid imbalance? I have friends my age with thyroid imbalance, who advised me to get it tested. I did and the results were normal, which should be a huge relief. It was .....and it wasn't. It was a relief because I am thankful my thyroid levels were within normal range. It wasn't because I still don't know what is causing the hair-fall. Apparently my doctor doesn't either. She gave me a vague reply saying that it could be the hormones and that there is nothing to be done.

I was indignant! This is what I get for being good to my hair!? I don't drink alcohol, never smoked, take care of my body, watch what I eat, never starved in the name of dieting. I have seen people try every single hair product out in the market, curl, perm, straighten, color their hair. Where as all through life, I have looked like a dog out of water, plastered hair slick with oil. And this is what I get in the end?!!! Where is the fairness in this? This is gross injustice! Why am I being punished for being good? I worried for days trying to figure out. I hoped that the answer would present it self before me in the form of a miracle where by I could rectify whatever it is that is not right. And my head will grow hair like a tree growing new leaves in spring after winter- lush, luxuious and dancing as I swayed it. It didn't happen(but a girl can dream :)).
Instead I figured that's just how life is. One can try all they like, but if the hair decides to shed, it will, no matter what. Or this could be me my mid-life crisis.

As for me, I have decided to quit worrying. Not only would that stop contributing to the hair loss, but also it could make me happier by learning to accept with grace the things I can't change or have little control over. I shall keep doing the best I can, the rest is not up to me.

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P.S. - All this talk about hair, its not vain or frivolous. A woman's hair is a quintessential part of her. But with age comes the realization that everything changes over time, so should our perceptions.